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You Might Be Turning 60 If...

Signs, signs, everywhere signs!! As I approach my 60th birthday (ugh), I notice a little bit of a pattern...and a lot of denial. If you can relate to this list, you might be turning 60, too.


(In no particular order...)

 

1) The shoe brands in your closet lean toward Clark’s, LifeStride, Dansko, and Naturalizer.


2) Your "real" hair color is now more than 50% gray...and you're considering ditching the monthly trips to the salon to cover it. (Or perhaps you already have!)


3) "Date night" dinner out concludes in time to catch Jeopardy!...even on Friday and Saturday. (7:30 pm where we live...)


4) You look forward to 60 Minutes on Sunday evening and get annoyed if the feature stories are ones you've already seen. Or delayed because a televised golf tournament is running over.


5) According to the commercials during Jeopardy! and 60 Minutes, you're now in the target market for most prescription drugs, Prevagen memory supplements, and hearing aids. You know all the words to the Jardiance jingle. "The little pill with the big stor-ee to tell!"


6) The concerts that most interest you are "farewell/reunion tours" or timeless artists like Sting, Fleetwood Mac, Elton John, and Bruce Springsteen – who are all in their 70's.


7) Your friends start retiring.


8) Your friends start comparing notes on the best plastic surgeon for a facelift.


9) Your friends start losing their elderly parents.


10) You lose an elderly parent.


11) The little kids you used to babysit are over 40.


12) You can’t believe how frequently a Netflix show will mindlessly insert the f-word into an innocuous sentence.


13) You can’t believe how quickly your arms have begun to look crepey!


14) Your Instagram is flooded with ads for over-50 wall pilates.


15) You thought you couldn’t live without Facebook...then you did.


16) Many of your peers are “downsizing” or "empty nesters" or both.


17) You long to find your “roots” and trace your ancestry.


18) You long to find the last thing you had in your hand just seconds ago (i.e., your cell phone, your car keys, your coffee cup...).


19) You spend endless hours online researching what foods you should and shouldn’t eat for acid reflux, gluten intolerance, bone density, more energy, etc. etc.


20) Your doctors start saying, “You could probably benefit from a little less alcohol...”


21) You discover you enjoy a good cup of hot tea...decaffeinated, of course...


22) You discover you feel better when you cut out dairy…but you absolutely refuse to give up half & half.


23) Turner Classic Movies is your go-to entertainment channel...and you might have a tiny crush on Ben Mankiewicz...


30) You find Office and Seinfeld reruns to be even funnier than when you saw them originally. (That's what she said!)


24) AARP Magazine magically shows up one day in your mailbox...and the cover features someone you think of as young. (Did I subscribe to this? Brooke Shields is 58???)


25) Taking classes is fun! (Crochet, anyone?)


26) Every time someone offers you his/her/their pronoun you want to roll your eyes.


27) Every time someone sends you a handwritten note you treasure it.


28) Your hemlines get longer and your patience gets shorter.


29) You’ve heard all the rage about AI and ChatGPT but secretly wonder what you'd ever do with them.


31) You hear yourself say out loud “I think I’d like to learn to play pickleball!”


32) You catch yourself looking at the necks of "older" actresses to see if they have a turkey neck or crow's feet. If they don't, you wonder if they've had work done.


33) Your skin care products claim some version of “anti-aging” or "regenerative."


34) Your mail often includes a personalized bulk mail invitation to a "free, no-obligation" dinner at Ruth's Chris to hear the latest approach to retirement planning.


35) You reach for your reading glasses more...and your distance/driving glasses less.


36) You immediately recognized the nod to comedian Jeff Foxworthy in the title of this post, who gained notoriety for "You Might Be A Redneck If..." in 1993.


Writer Anne Lamott recently said in a "Wiser Than Me" podcast interview with host Julia Louis-Dreyfus, in our bodies we are aging. But in our minds, we are every age we've ever been. How wonderful.


Happy Milestone Birthday to Us...and remember...every birthday is a milestone. :)



1 Comment


You have weeks until your Birthday!!!❤️

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